The Tale of the Hungry Dog and the Idiot Humans. Or, Miscommunication

(This is a story that I wrote to a prompt on moonmomma.proboards.com. The prompt asked the writer to write a story about an animal attempting to communicate to a human.)

Rex woke up, stomach growling. Where is my human? he thought, because, after all, it is the dog that owns the human, not the other way around. Even though the humans sometimes made ridiculous fusses over him, HE was in charge.

Rex stood up, stretching. He sniffed the air. His human was in that room in the high up padded thing they called a 'bed'. He nosed open the door and padded into the room. The human called 'Elizabeth' had her feet sticking out of the bed. He licked them. She screamed. The human called 'James' laughed, sitting up and reaching down to ruffle the fur on Rex's head. "Don't do that, boy," he said. "Elizabeth's jumpy enough without you around!"

Elizabeth pouted, James laughed, and Rex's stomach growled. Rex put his paws on the bed and tugged on James's socks. Then he jumped down, turning in a circle. He barked, twice.

"What is it, boy?" James said as Elizabeth put her hands over her ears and shouted, "DOWN, DOG!" Rex didn't like the anger in her voice, and he cowered, whimpering. Food, food, I just want food! I didn't do anything wrong!

But, of course, dogs talk in barks. So all the humans heard was, "Whimper, whiiiine, YIP, YAP, BARK!!" Elizabeth shouted, "That's IT! I'm sick of this stupid dog! Get him out of my house, James! NOW!"

"Elizabeth..." James began. He was cut off. "I said, NOW!!" Elizabeth screamed.And so, the dog was put outside, belly empty. As I have said, the dog rules the humans. However, the wife rules above all.

THE END

But there's no J...

This was found in Wyoming, apparently near Yellowstone. (That's what the website I found it on said.)



These really, really should exist in more places.

(Thanks to OddlySpecific.com)

Procrastinators, UNITE! ...tomorrow.

There really should be meetings where procrastinators can meet, talk about what they've procrastinated doing lately, and plan to procrastinate even more. The only problem is, nobody would show up.

There also could be a Procrastinators Anonymous, to help people stop procrastinating, but still, nobody would show up. (So the only way you could help them stop is to ambush them or something...)

So... this is pretty much a dead end. Sorry, procrastinators, you procrastinated and you don't get special meetings.

Next time we'll work with dyslexics. Dislexics, grid up your lions and UNTIE!

What's in a name?

I remember when I was in geometry last year, one of the teachers was teaching (shocker), and she said that if she had another boy, she'd name it Apothem. I'm guessing if she had twins, she'd probably name the other one Asymptote.

Poor kids.